It's dark inside.

03-01-2014

Not gonna be a long post, tonight has too much feels. 

This is just my heartfelt post. 

Time check: 1am

Today 03-01-2014. I almost burnt down the house by wanting to light up a candle and I ended up having huge flames in my room to the point where I was gasping for air. Nobody knows yet, and I hope noone does.

Today I asked God to save me. 

My mom beaten the crap out of me, leaving me in bruises and red marks. I didn't say a word. My mom, as you guys know, she has agitated depression. I triggered her depression therefore resulting her to hit me with the object(didn't know what she was carrying but it was damn painful), several times. And you wanna know what happened? We argued. Actually it's not even "we". She was having a one-sided argument about me putting away my phone and I was like "5 more minutes" and she totally went bonkers. 

Don't get me wrong, my mom's a nice person. In fact, She's a wonderful and amazing woman but when she doesn't get what she wants, she literally goes insane, out of her mind insane. She gave a long lecture to me and I just stared coldly at her the whole time. 

When I finally went back to my room, I just broke down in tears immediately. I begged God to take me out of my misery. My heart broke. Why did I do that to my mum despite her condition. Well there's at least one thing I'm thankful for, for not retaliating. 

Him 

I saw you today. 

I tried to fight back from looking at you but I just couldn't. 

You were happy. Was I happy? Am I suppose to be happy if you're happy? I'm not going with the typical cliche 'if you're happy then I'm happy' quote. 

That's totally bull. I feel like crap and I can't deny. I mean who are you kidding, when someone you fancy doesn't treat you the way that you want. I'm not happy but can I do anything about it? No. 

You talk like we're friends, so different from the past. Are we? Are we even friends?  

 I even wrote happiness quotes on a book to cheer me up. It doesn't helps. Lol laughing virtually. 

Update for the week:

I haven't uploaded my korea trip because my computer has some problem. I will try to fix it so be patient. I know you guys are dying to see them and you guys have been complaining around me! Wait for it guys and sorry for the late delay.