I am lost and found again.

That feeling when you cry to your sleep. You're feeling helpless. I just had that a couple of nights ago. My streaming results really let me to collapse. When i found out that i was going into combine science, i just screamed and cried so damn loudly. I threw all my books on the floor, i almost literally became mad. I cried and screamed so hard. I cried out to God "why, why must you force me into this state" i said something even terrible, it was " i dont believe in you God anymore." i then realised that the bond between me and God was broken, the irony is that i went back to church yesterday and i realized how wrong i was. What  i had all along was expecting something in return. No, this was not faith, this was not how a child of God should think, i reflected and thought about it and i knew i was wrong. i was guilty but i know that God still loves me for who i am, not what i was. What God has planned out for me is always the right choice. His path always lead me to the best of me. I learnt to move on and aimed for a better future. I aimed to get top 40 in the level next year and i know i can because God tells me that i can do it. You may think i will not be able to do it, well lets wait and see. That experience was a traumatic experience to me and i learnt a lesson from it. Well this is definitely a wake up call for me. No more old Cennic, it's the new me, the new Cennic.