2015

It's been 2 months since 2014 ended and a lot of things changed. I've definitely matured over the past few months(or at least i think i did) and I definitely did a lot of thinking and now I feel that it is the right time to finally go back on track and start blogging again. The past few months has been hectic, even though i didnt work, i was still busy with other stuffs like church, missiontrip, camps etc... I will have a post up later about my LIFECHANGING trip to the Philippines, Cebu and also about prom etc.. I know im very very late.... VERY...

So some things changed. Like....how i'm going to poly very soon, like how my hair isnt black anymore, and like how i'm not attached w z anymore. 

I'm currently in BZSE, Business and social enterprise, basically just Business w a heart, at least that's what people said. We will study about business and how we can make an enterprise to benefit less fortunate people etc. Im totally fine w it cause it was my 2nd choice and because I get to help people and that's my motive ultimately. I wanted to go psychology so badly but i didnt get the chance to so i'll probably pursue it in Uni hopefully, but im reading up on that so it isnt that bad. I'm looking forward to making a change in the society and I hope to glorify God in the process! Im definitely worried that i will get influenced in a wrong way when i step into poly like wanting fame, etc/.... but i needa stay sane by constantly doing QT and spending time w friends that dont care about the culture hahhaha!


Ok so about my breakup w z..  
I roughly explained it on my ask.fm but here's the "summarised" story

You know sometimes you can feel whether a relationship is gonna last w that person or not? Yea, i felt that it wasnt gonna last even a few months before our breakup.I kept telling people that one day this relationship will surely end, just a matter of time. It was my rash decision to get tgt w him and it was my mistake. I wanted to be together w him because i was head over heels over him.I liked him too much and the idea of us getting tgt was like a dream. We rushed into a relationship and you know it was like a dream that i didnt want to wake up from. It was my first relationship, my first kiss, my first hug. The first few months was paradise but after I returned from missiontrip and YI camp, my perspective of having a relationship now changed, and it definitely changed for the better as my once blinded eyes were now opened. I felt that this is not the right time for a relationship, and i didnt know if i really loved him. I kept thinking about it and thought that the rs wasnt going to last and i had one thing in mind, DATE TO MARRY. and i wasnt sure if I loved him enough then to marry him. Even though i knew that the rs wasnt going to last, I kept telling myself constantly that it will work out, plus I was under pressure because so many people around us had some sort of faith in us??? Idk it sounds very shameless but even the teachers in kranji said we were like meant for each other cause our character interlinks so much HAHA I had to agree. Because of that, i felt so so so pressured to make the relationship last. The funny thing is I felt really happy whenever I'm w him. He really accepted me for who I was, without any makeup etc i could literally laugh my loudest w him and he wouldnt judge me. He loved me for who i am and i appreciated that. The last few months of us being tgt, we had fights and each time it was me that initiated the fight and him who compromised. He said he loved me too much to even want to fight back w me and my heart just broke because I know i didnt, wait, I couldnt love him as much as he did. All the more I couldnt break his heart. I tried to keep it in and act like everything was normal but in the end I felt that i was suffocating and i resorted to the extent of avoiding him. I talked to him and we were on the phone for at least 3hrs and i told him that one day if i needed a break, will u agree? He said yes, because its for the better and I appreciated him for being so patient w me, so understanding and so loving still. Finally the day came. Before we stopped talking, our daily convo for almost a week was just "Morning" "Sorry for replying late" "Wht are you doing" "Eaten?" and "nights",sometimes not even "nights". I felt that both of us aint trying anymore so i initiated the timeout and both of us stopped talking since then.It then turned into a breakup idk how but yea this is where we r now. The past few days i had been thinking about him and me and i read back our texts and felt that i was so horrible towards him and i wrote him an apology and asked him to take care from there. We officially ended off there and yep. Last sunday we went to sk house to bainian and i saw him there and it was so awkward, like both of us knew each other so so so well but we ended up  being strangers. And when u are so used to being tgt but now its just not the same anymore. 

I'm definitely worried/excited for what's coming up for the rest of the year cause so many things have changed even though it's been like 2months into the year only! 2015 SURPRISE ME.